Flah-Phat-Urgh-Grr-Bah!

(saved as draft)

Angry.

好久没有用华语写“部落格"了。

我好生气和厌烦。

有个朋友从UK回新。 而这个朋友想和中学 student council 聚一聚，所以又是我这个白吃来举办。

下个星期另一个朋友生日。虽然是另一个朋友在举办，但她所谓的举办只是随便同知。 没有confirm, 没有time and date.

结果呢，我要两头包。

那还不叫人生气。。。

Oh, what the hell. Typing hanyu ping ying is killing me.

The bottom line is sometimes I wish my friends are more straightforward, more 果断.

If you are organising a gathering, you not only just contact people and let them know that a gathering is coming up and then leave it there. You have to resend a sms and let them know the exact time, exact date to meet. And a vague idea of where we are going. Get a FINAL confirmation from them.

But for the upcoming birthday gathering, I only know that we are meeting on the 12th. And then? And the list of people coming is not "confirmed". Okay, maybe to the organiser having a vague idea of who is coming is enough. But 50% of the time, half of the people won't turn up. And if that's the case, I don't think I am going. I mean, WTH lah!

And what I don't get is why my friends must take so long to decide if they can make it or not. It's really simple. Ask yourself if you are free on that day. Then ask yourself if it's "worth" it for you to attend the gathering. If yes for both, clear the day and nothing can occur during that period of time. Simple?

No! I hate it. Fuck lah.

I am so frustrated now that I don't even know how to describe my feelings. It's like URGH and URGH and URGH.

I have a right mind to not turn up for the celebration because of the crap organising.

You know, I like organising stuff. But when you have wishy-washy friends like these, you just feel like killing yourself every freaking time.

Reflections. Not emo-ing. Note to FYP people.

Was talking to Terence some time last week?

And one of us mentioned that we need friends or in this case, schoolmates that are supportive of us so that we can have the motivation and support to do what we want/live our university life to the fullest.

True eh?

I used to have such a huge group of friends in Deyi who will always be there. Urging me to do things. Motivating me. Helping me push the boundaries of my comfort zone. Maybe that's why I was involved in some many activities in Deyi. My secondary school life was nothing short of colorful.

Back then, we help each other to build our self-confidence.

Somehow, I can't seem to find a group of such "supportive" friends in NYJC or NTU. In these two places, all I got was "No! You can't!", "No, you shouldn't" and rejections/letdowns in all forms and types. Verbal or non-verbal. Expressed or not expressed. In these two places, whenever I am motivated, taking the initiative and just being the old me, I find myself in a situation where I end up doing all the work or being used/taken advantage of.

Now, it seems like people use your confidence as a stepping stone. They squash it to boost theirs.

The result? A very diluted me.

I know I can still be the old me but it needs to be modified. Like what Juan said, "Don't let your groupmates feel too comfortable to the point whereby they think it is okay for them to dump their work on you".

But how do I do that? 我不会. Does that mean that I should never give my 100% in everything I do? That by not giving my 100%, my groupmates will then give theirs? If that's the case, I can't do it. 办不到.

I don't know how to let these squash-ers not affect me. Because of reasons that I don't even know how to explain.

I'm a perfectionist. If I set my mind on doing something, I will give my everything. I do not tolerate moderate effort or minimal effort. From myself or ANY of my group mates.

Yeah. That's me. What you see is what you get.

The conclusion is abit abrupt because I lost my train of thoughts-.-

Will I ever find these supportive group of friends before I graduate? Frankly, at this point in time, I really don't care. One more year and it's BYE BYE, NTU!

--

To: FYP mates

Please check your hotmail/yahoo mail. I have sent something to you guys.

If you have yet to collect the "Naked Conversation" book from me, please do so asap. I do not care if you have to travel down all the way from the West to my place. Get the freaking book from me, read it and at least get some ideas about how corporations (big and small) are using blogs.

Reminder - Keep as many days as possible free for the week starting 5th May. We are going to meet and set down a general guideline and structure for our frigging FYP and then pitch it to Ulrike. Yes, in the same week. If there are SPECIFIC days that you cannot make it, please let all of us know beforehand.

Note - Almost everything comes AFTER FYP meetings. Unless you are giving tuition or some family-related stuff, you cannot be excused from the meeting.

Am I a little pissed? Yes, I am. And don't even try to pacify me with some lame jokes or some stupid smiley face. Not going to work. GAIN. MY. TRUST. Let me trust that you guys can work.

At stake: EIGHT FREAKING AUS. (I'm sure I don't need to remind you that).

You!

YOU!

Just because you want to have a fling with me, it doesn't me that I want to be yours! LOSER!

YOU!

I don't even know where to begin. The cheek of you.

YOU!

Thanks for spoiling my fun. URGH!

I don't care how you guys are going to interpret the 3 sentences. If you think it's describing you, it probably is. If you think it is not describing you, it's probably wrong. WHATEVER!

Scotchey, I need to rant again :(

I love deviantart.com -

fuck off. buzz off. i know i shouldn't. but i like it. thanks for spoiling my fun with that post.