About....*shrugs*

I am just blogging for myself this time.

On Sunday, I got so pissed with my brother's comment over my appetite that I yelled at him. He said some really stuff but in short, he said that I am just making it up to gain my parents' attention.

I was so pissed and hurt that I just told him that I wish he will have the same problem as me so that he will know how awful it actually feels. That it's not just an act. And, well. The brother went mad.

He started hitting me again. Nothing new eh. My mum had to hug me and shield me from him. But even then, he keep hitting. Sometimes, missing me and hitting my mum instead. Even though my mum shielded me, she still blame me. She said I shouldn't have provoked my brother*sigh* What's new?

It's at times like this that I just want to drop dead. When horrible thoughts crawl into my head. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. To not give a damn. And to not pretend that I am okay. But, I can't, can I?

Here's the scars from where my brother grabbed me -


Holes/punctures created by his nails. I had to leave the house with plasters all over the arm. Yups.

Been to the doctor, but the appetite is not getting better. And now, I think I have an ear infection. BEH! I am tired. So tired this week.

Grab all you can!

One more week and the dad's shop will be closed.

After 21 years of not paying groceries and necessities, the family is bringing plenty of stuff home to store so we don't have to buy them in the near future.

Like my mum said, "Take whatever you want. Next time must pay le!"

So here's a list of stuff I brought home over the past weeks:

1. 20 packs of sanitary napkins.
2. 10 packs of Shokubutsu shower pack refill.
3. 5 boxes of Ribena pastilles (all gone!)
4. 5 big bottles of Pantene Total Care shampoo.
5. 3 small bottles of Pantene Total Care shampoo.
6. 3 packs of Magiclean Wiper Sheet.
7. 3 packs of Magiclean Wet Wipes.
8. 5 packets of Tasty Biscuit (I should have gotten more!)
9. 3 packets of disposable razors.
10. 1 box of Hazeline Moisturizing Cream

I took a break last week, thinking that the things will always be there. But! Nooooo..By last Wednesday, all my favorite tidbits are gone. Like gone!!! Darn!!

Anyways, I think I'll probably slim down after the shop is gone. No more free food! :(

Explode.

Ever since last Friday, I have been facing everything pretty calmly (if I do say so myself). While my sister handled the calls, I had another "job".

Reassuring everyone that things are okay. Things will be okay.

As the week drags on and the number of conflicting messages the doctors are giving, everyone is stressing out abit. Worries and questions are piling up. So everyone is behaving rather weirdly in the house.

My brother is back to his ridiculous self. The 霸道王 who yells at everyone. And THAT alone is enough for me to handle. I have to go around cleaning his mess. Like after he yelled at my sister, I have to go to a) comfort the sister, b) calm him down and c) get them to talk to each other again so the mother unit won't worry.

When can I stop being strong for everyone?

There's so much I want to say. But I don't know where to start. I wish to back in Deyi where I don't have to pretend to be strong because my friends are there to support me. It makes it easier for me to go home and be strong.

Whatever. I am losing my ability to express.